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Face fats . . . most of us have had a very pheasant Christmas

December 31, 2013
KNEES UP: Black Olive owner Vicky Karaca with Father Christmas

KNEES UP: Black Olive owner Vicky Karaca with Father Christmas

BLACK Olive cafe owner Vicky Karaca already appears to have settled for what she wants over Christmas – a knees up (or was it a leg and a wing?) with dear old Santa himself.

Some of us are not so lucky as the delightfully delicious Alsancak queen of community hospitality and entertainment, we have to settle for a wish list.

To be fair, I ticked the first one off the other night – being able to watch the hilarious but poignant movie-documentary Ping Pong which charts the progress of eight contestants of the 2011 world table tennis championships for over 80s (with a combined age of 703) at Inner Mongolia – a place that’s probably even more inaccessible than parts of the beautiful Karpaz.

The weepy-cum-funny film deals with a champ on borrowed time; a centenarian determined to dazzle and an 89-year-old who’s used the sport to get herself out of a dementia ward.

It reminds me of the classic Cool Runnings flick, which is loosely based on the Jamaican bobsleigh team’s debut at the Calgary Winter Olympics of 1988. No, it doesn’t go all downhill from the start . . .

All I want from the keeper of the Red Coat this term (apart from obviously a cast-iron invitation to be around in 2014) is a copy of Sam ‘Screwbo’ Bailey’s debut single Skyscraper which is odds-on to take number one spot for the UK Christmas charts.

The Leicester lass, who went from prison officer to guardian of the finest voice and runaway winner in this year’s highly watchable X Factor series, is set up for life with a rumoured £1million recording contract and acting as backing singer to Beyonce on her next world tour no less.

The only thing Sam lost in the three month series was more than two stone in weight  and judging by every performance she’d now outsing Mariah Carey doing All I Want For Christmas is You.

Talking of which, our Sam will soon fit nicely into the ‘have it alls’ category for the Ultimate Stocking Thrillers which was announced this week.

The UST list of ‘extraordinary and exclusive’ gifts for the world’s richest people – drawn up by luxury magazine Robb Report – saw its 2013 edition tot up to a tad over £250million.

The very best a man, or woman, can give this festive time is the £51million Sky Yacht One which has a range of nearly 5,000 miles and features a nautical interior by the American designer Eddie Sotto.

The silver medal goes to Populous, the company behind the London Olympic stadium, who will build customers a ‘back garden’ ground which seats 100 people. A snip at £18m. The Galpin Ford GTR1 roars in third at £600,000.

Fancy the World Cup next summer down Rio way? A VIP trip to Brazil will set you back £3.3m and yet lies bottom of the ‘top’ gift league table.

Our Sam would definitely have admitted to being in the ‘have nots’ until the weekend – so will now escape the ramifications of our next ‘survey’.

The average UK family is not thinking about jetting off to sunnier climes these days – they can’t afford it.

New stats reveal their earnings are going up Santa’s chimney (or out the flue) as spending on energy bills and house maintenance overtakes transport as the biggest cost in the family budget.

Spending on motoring is dropping as drivers cut their journeys to save petrol.

And here’s the real rub  . .  Britain’s richest homes splash out more than a grand a week (£1,065) while the poorest manages the ‘loose change’ of £189.30.

But, whether we are spending less this Christmas or not, we are TOP of one table – when it comes to gorging the fattest and unhealthiest festive dinner in Europe, say researchers.

LOT OF PLUCK: A brace of pheasant

LOT OF PLUCK: A brace of pheasant

Stuffing ourselves with turkey, duck, beef, pork, lamb, goose and pheasant – washed down with beer and wine –  and then leaving more than enough room for Christmas pud and brandy sauce is what we enjoy and no one’s going to stop us it seems.

A typical meal with roast potatoes will be 30 per cent sugar, while also containing 69g of fat and 211g of carbohydrates.

Neighbours France (friends is going a bit far!) tops the ‘healthy’ league table despite the festive fancy for having 13 types of dessert along with oysters and foie gras. That’s because the ingredients are typically unprocessed and total just 46g of fat and 29g of carbs per person.

Health and fitness app Lifesum compiled the list by asking staff at European embassies in London about their native country’s festive dishes.

So let’s face fats . . . most of us on The Home Front are heading for a very pheasant Christmas. An X Factor with XXXL consequences . . .

Festive Footnote: May I wish everyone in the TRNC a most joyous and peaceful period leading up to the New Year – and the very best of fortunes for 2014.

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